Barriers and Builders
Barrier #1: Assuming: Acting on limiting assumptions about what a person can or can’t do, say, think, etc. “I didn’t tell you because you always get upset.” “You always think ____.” “You’re too young to try that!” etc.
Barrier #2: Rescuing/Explaining: Problem solving for a person: “____ is what is happening.” “____ is why it is happening.” “____ is how to deal with it.” “Do it this way.” etc.
Barrier #3: Directing: Telling people what to do: “Pick up your shoes.” “Put that away.” “Don’t forget your lunch.” “Be sure and ____.” Etc.
Barrier #4: Expecting: (too much too soon) Using potential as a standard and discounting people for not being there already: “I was expecting this room to be spotless.” “You should know that already.” “I appreciate ____ but you forgot ____.” etc.
Barrier #5: Adultisms: Using stereotypes when dealing with people: “Teenagers are like that.” “You know better than that! Surely you realize!” “You are too young to appreciate that.” “Grow-up!” “Why are you so childish.” etc.
Builder #1: Checking: Giving people a clean slate: “How do you want to deal with this?” “What are your thoughts about____?” “What will you need to have ready for____?” etc.
Builder #2: Exploring: Problem solving with a person by letting them try something and then asking: “What did you experience in that situation?” “Why is that significant?” “How might you apply what you have learned in the future?” etc.
Builder #3: Inviting: Asking for participation/assistance: “I would appreciate any help you could give me in straightening up the room.” “How do you plan to ____?” “What will you need to do in order to ____?” etc.
Builder #4: Celebrating: Focusing on effort progress and/or what was gained by trying: “I appreciate the effort you have made to clean up this room.” “What did you learn from trying to do that?” “What progress do you see yourself making?” etc.
Builder #5: Respect: Allowing for people’s uniqueness and individuality: “What is your perception of ____?” or “Let me check out what you think.” “How do you see this issue?” etc.

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